Thoughts from the Treadmill 1: Damsel in Distress--Who is this Bitch??

I warned my friends before I started this blog that it might not always be about fitness.  I mean, I do have other things going on in my life, and sometimes they consume me as much as this whole losing weight thing.  These little breaks from the fitness will be called "Thoughts from the Treadmill."  Consider yourself warned.

Mom, you may stop reading now.

I had an epiphany about my lovelife since the divorce.  I wasn't actually on the treadmill when I had this epiphany, but I was thinking about getting on the treadmill while I was scrubbing the toilet in my bathroom, and then I had this epiphany.  I should call this one "Thoughts from the Toilet," but that doesn't sound right.  Although, sometimes when I want to get away from the noise of my house, the quietest place for me to sit and contemplate and philosophize about this life is my toilet.  Alas, I was not sitting on the toilet, but most appropriately scrubbing the shitter while I was thinking about my lovelife. 

Anyways, it just finally dawned on me why every relationship since the divorce 7 years ago has been a failure.  It's because of this bitch...



Damsel in Distress
Where is the train when you need it?

I am not this chick.

That is the problem.

I have learned that most of the men I have encountered have this need to be the savior.  They don't feel like the man unless they are saving the day.  I have nothing...no saving needed, no prison record, drug problem, physical abuse, no major downer about my life.  I need to lose weight, and I would always like to have more money, but there is no real tragedy here.  OK, so my dad is an alcoholic.  It's affected my life, but I take responsibility for all of my decisions made in my adulthood.  So, still, not really tragic.

I am not complaining that I am not this chick, I am complaining that the opposite of this chick isn't necessarily valued in the dating world.  I've been told my entire adult life, "You're such a strong woman," or "You're the strongest woman I know."  Thanks, but strength doesn't get you laid.

You're supposed to laugh at that, but it's the truth!

What woman in history started this?

So, I met the X's girlfriend for the first time recently.  First impressions?  Nice.  Physically small.  Soft spoken.  Fragile.  Before our meeting, he told me a few things about her, which I will not repeat here.  The picture was made complete when I met her face to face, and witnessed him, not her, verbally disciplining her kids, something I have difficulty allowing others to do with our kids.  She is everything I am not.  This is not a bad thing, but it made me wonder:  Is there such a thing as "too strong?"  Did I not need him, or anyone since him, enough?" 

The most recent man in my life, C., has a history of dating the girl that you wouldn't necessarily take home to mother--exotic dancers, women with substance abuse problems, and such.  He's also gone down the path of the the whole mail order bride process.  He's all about having the woman who depends on him to help her get off the pole, help her get off of drugs, straighten out her life, help her to assimilate to the American way of life, and so on.  He's her protector and and her savior.  When we first started dating he used to say, "You don't need me," like it was a bad thing.  I always told him, "Wouldn't you rather me choose to be with you than need to be with you?"  Now I realize that my lack of "neediness" or whatever you want to call it, is the little tumor that was the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Of course there have been other issues throughout the past 7 years worth of relationships that caused their demise.  This just seems to be a common, ongoing theme.

Hmm.

I'm not sure that I came to any life-changing or lovelife-changing decisions while I was Comet-ing, Soft Scrubbing, and Windex-ing the hell out of my bathroom this morning.  I did get a good 30-minute bathroom-cleaning workout (which I will count in my Wednesday results blog), a decent cry, and much low-fat food for thought.